Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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