I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
