I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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