filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I currently don't understand fingers.
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