why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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