Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
