Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
