At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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