"it" just moved
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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