i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
