How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
