A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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