no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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