Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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