you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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