you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
