why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
