My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
