party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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