gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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