This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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