Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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