Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
