Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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