ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
