I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
