I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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