respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
