meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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