I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
