I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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