I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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