Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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