apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
