He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
