when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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