so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
