I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
