i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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