Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
