Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
