she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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