woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
