first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
