Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
