quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
