just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
