What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
