Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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