foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
