she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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