you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
