6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
