U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
