Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
