Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
